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Hana and Zakari Present! (Volume 52)

Cast of Characters
KAT-TUN
Kamenashi (Kame): High-strung, anal, has anger management issues
Akanishi (Jin): Huge baka
Taguchi (Junno): Cheerfully masochistic, eager to please, clueless, magic
Tanaka (Koki): Cheerfully sadistic (but only with Taguchi), likes to rap and wear Jesus bling
Ueda: Evil, sarcastic, secretly has a dungeon in his basement
Nakamaru (Maru): The (semi) normal one

Kanjani8
Subaru: Red ranger, magic, likes to instigate
Yoko: Black ranger, not magic, likes to instigate
Ryo: Yellow ranger, Sarcastic, sharp-tongued, short-tempered, easily undone by an innocent look and a cute smile

Dong Bang Shin Ki (aka DBSK, aka TVXQ, aka Tohoshinki)
Yunho: Group leader, big-brother type
Micky (Yoochun): Passionate, sensitive, cries a lot
Changmin: Youngest but most mature, smart, sarcastic, sometimes looks a lot like Junno

Hana and Zakari Present!
Akanishi Troop


Jin wants to make membership cards for his Troop. On company time.



8:00 am, KAT-TUN dressing room:

Jin: *at the table, wearing glasses, working hard on a laptop, mumbling to himself*
Kame: *walks in and does a double-take* J-Jin! What are you doing here?!
Jin: Shhh, I'm trying to concentrate.
Kame: What? Concentrate on what? *goes behind Jin to look at the screen* What is that?
Jin: I'm making membership cards, if you must know. Ack! Undo, undo!
Kame: Membership cards? For what? *squints at the screen* Akanishi Troop?
Jin: Yes. Membership in my Troop is very limited, you know. Being a Troop member is a coveted position. Now my members will be able to show their status with pride! Ack! Undo, undo! Anyway, stop bothering me, you're messing me up.
Kame: Jin, you-- that is... Do you know how to use that program?
Jin: I'm using it, aren't I?
Kame: Yes, badly.
Jin: You be quiet! It's only because you're distracting me from my work! *hunches over the keyboard and glares at Kame*
Kame: Fine. *walks away* Though why you couldn't do that at home is beyond me. Weirdo.
Jin: I don't have Kato's laptop at my home, now do I? Nyah.
Kame: Kato's..... Jin, did you steal Kato-kun's laptop?
Jin: Steal is such a negative word. I borrowed it.
Kame: He keeps it locked up in NEWS's dressing room! He has two padlocks and an alarm system!
Jin: Which were no match for my special magical lock picker and alarm disabler from the something-th dimension.
Kame: ... Which you stole from Junno.
Jin: Stole is such a negative word.

Voice of Subaru: *booming* Akanishi Jin!!!
Jin: Yes Subaru sir?
Kame: Oooh...You're in trouble now.
Voice of Subaru: Do you know the penalty for the stealing of one magical lock picker and alarm disabler is?
Jin: Well, steal is such a negative word.
Voice of Subaru: SILENCE!
Voice of Yoko: Yeah, SILENECE
Voice of Subaru: I don't need any help.
Voice of Yoko: I know boss but I just thought-
Voice of Subaru: Don't think. I'll do the thinking for both of us. Now get off the line.
Voice of Yoko: Yes sir. *hangs up*
Voice of Subaru: Anyway, where was I? Oh yes the penalty! It is to spend 1 billion days upside down in lime jello while your feet are tickled by the tickle feathers of doom! It is most unpleasant!
Jin: But I HATE lime jello!!
Voice of Subaru: You should have thought of that before you "borrowed" Junno's magical items.
Jin: But-But! I'll return them!
Subaru: *poof* HAHAHAHAH!!! I'm just kidding you. The only way to obtain those items is to steal them from someone else. What did you need those things for anyway?

Jin: Pout, you scared me.
Kame: Did you just say "pout"?
Jin: I'm being ironic.
Kame: That is nowhere near the definition of the word iro--
Subaru: ANYWAY. As I was saying, what did you need those things for anyway?
Kame: He stole--
Jin: Borrowed.
Kame: --Kato's laptop to make stupid membership cards for his stupid so-called troop.
Jin: You just think it's stupid because you're not in it. And guess what? You are banned for life.
Kame: I don't care.
Jin: BANNED. *makes a vague gesture resembling a failed karate chop*
Subaru: I assume that gesture represents being banned. Interesting.
Kame: *rolls his eyes*
Subaru: So, let's see these membership cards of yours. *looks at the laptop's screen* Well, that's... very, err... creative. And interesting. And my, I don't think I've ever seen that color before.
Jin: Thanks!

Junno: *walks in* *whispers* Good morning
Subaru: *whispers* good morning
Kame: *whispers* Why are we whispering?
Junno: *whispers* It's whisper day in the 7542th dimension
Subaru: *whispers* a very scared magic holiday.
Kame: Yeah but you weren't whispering earlier
Subaru: *whispers* Like you would have gotten it.
Junno: *sees Jin's computer* What is that???? It's soo pretty!!!!
Subaru: Ssssh!
Jin: Thanks Junno! They are membership cards to my Troop.
Junno: I want one!!!
Subaru: Shhhhh! *whispers* Whisper.
Junno: Buuut Subaru! The Troop! Thhhhheee Troooooooooop!!!

Subaru: *whispers* If you prefer membership in his troop to the well-being of your eternal soul, feel free to continue not whispering.
Junno: *thinks about it*
Kame: So, when you didn't whisper before, you gave up your eternal soul?
Subaru: *whispering* No, we all get a few free non-whispers before we forfeit our souls. And also, when there are no other non-mags present, you have a free pass. Convenient, huh?
Kame: That's the silliest and most annoying magical tradition ever.
Junno: *whispering* Even more so than that time we had to cover our bodies in butter-flavored Crisco and squeeze into rubber clothing four times too small to avoid being beheaded by vikings in pink sparkly tutus?
Kame: *thinks about it* Okay, no, that was way sillier and more irritating.
Subaru: *whispering* I'll apply for an all-day free pass for both of us. *clears his throat, continues whispering* Dear to whom it may concern magical beings of the 7542nd dimension, my name is Subuaru Shibutani and I would officially like to apply for an all-day free pass from whisper day for myself and my apprentice, Taguchi Junnosuke.
Voice from Nowhere: *loud, echoey whisper* Subaru from Kanjani8 and Taguchi from KAT-TUN?
Subaru: *whispering* Yes, sir.
Voice from Nowhere: *whispering* Granted. We love your music. Wahaha. Iriguchi Deguchi Taguchi desu. Classic.
Junno: Thank you, sir!
Subaru: Thank you. Subaru over and out.
Voice from Nowhere: *whispering* Peace out, my young friends.
Jin: That iriguchi thing has nothing to do with our music. Our music is so much better than that.
Subaru: Yes, Lovejuice is obviously an example of some of the smartest music being produced in Japan today.
Jin: I know, right?!
Kame: That was sarcasm, right?
Subaru: *nods frantically at Kame while Jin is too busy staring at the laptop* No, of course not. I was dead serious.
Kame: Right.
Jin: Subaru, my man! You are totally in my troop.
Subaru: Err, thanks.
Junno: Yay, me too, right?
Jin: No.
Junno: Aww.

Kame: ANYWAY, can you leave Subaru? We have a lot of work to do.
Junno: How can we? No one else is here.
Jin: *types*
Subaru: Fine, I am going. I need to write down all my ideas for Yassu and my date-..uh, date party, i mean birth date party. Is it hot in here all of a sudden? I feel hot. I'm gonna go find some AC or something. Bye. *poof*
Junno: Subaru and Yassu have the same birthday? I didn't know that!
Maru: *comes in* Am I late?
Kame: Yes, 10 minutes. Where were you?
Maru: YES! *writes in his notebook* 8:35 am. Failed at being on time for rehearsal.
Koki: I'm here! I'm here! *runs in* I had to drop my brother off at the NHK building. Do you know how far that is from here?
Junno: *thinks* 800 km?
Koki: I don't know , but it's FAR!
Ueda: *strolls in, sits down, says nothing*
Kame: Ok, I guess we can get started now that we are all FINALLY here. Jin, would you stop typing?
Jin: Huh? I can't. This is important. I need to finish the list of my troop members.
Koki: Troop? Like a girl scout troop?

Jin: I had considered adding you to the list but now you are *does the hand motion* BANNED. For LIFE.
Koki: Whatever. I don't want to be a girl scout.
Jin: It's not girl scouts!!!!
Maru: I'm not in it, am I?
Jin: Hell, no.
Maru: Great! *writes in his notebook* Failed at being part of the in crowd.
Koki: Oh, this is an in crowd thing? Why didn't you say so? I'm hip, let me in.
Jin: No. *does the hand motion* BANNED.
Ueda: Since when is Jin part of the in crowd?
Jin: I AM the in crowd. I am made of cool. And awesome. I am made of awesome cool. I am--
Shige: *bursts in, points at Jin* THIEF!!!!!!
Kame: You are busted.

Shige: Give me back my laptop.
Jin: You didn't say the magic word.
Junno: How would he know that gigiddy bop is the magic word? Shige, have you been to the 9th dimension?
Koki: He means please, Junno.
Junno: Ooooohhh..THAT magic word. He should be more specific.
Shige: I'm not saying please since you stole it. It's MINE.
Jin: Shige Poindexter, BANNED FOR LIFE
Shige: Banned from what? Just give me back my laptop.
Koyama: *runs in* SHHHHHIIIIGGGEEE!!!! *glomps shige* I was sooo scared! I couldn't find you and I called your phone 20 times but you didn't answer!!

Ueda: Wow, codependent much?
Koyama: I'm not! I just want to be near him all the time! Because he is my best friend and I love him! Right, Shige?
Shige: Um... yes. Anyway, give me my laptop!
Jin: But I'm not done!
Shige: I.. don't... care.
Jin: Okay, look. See, the thing is, I need it. Because you have all the programs I need to make my membership cards. So how about this. You let me finish them and you get a shiny, special card of your very own.
Shige: No.
Jin: Even if I don't let Koyama in and being with my troop gives you away-from-Koyama time?
Shige: ...
Koyama: He doesn't WANT away-from-Koyama time, right Shige?
Shige: Ummm...
Koyama: ... *tiny, hurt voice* Shige?
Ueda: Oh, here we go. *puts in earplugs*
Shige: Koyama, I--
Koyama: *starts wailing and sobbing*
Shige: Wait! No, it's--
Koyama: You h-h-haaaaate meeee! *still wailing and sobbing*
Shige: No! I just... it's... *grabs the laptop form Jin*
Jin: HEY! I haven't saved!
Shige: *types frantically* Look, Koyama! *puts the screen in front of Koyama's face*
Koyama: *wipes eyes, reads out loud* When couples dedicate themselves to allowing each other the space and outside interests they need, they have stronger marriages.
Shige: See? I mean, I know we're not married, but--
Koki: Could have fooled me.
Shige: --but we can apply it to our friendship, right?
Koyama: *sniffle* You want to strengthen our friendship?
Shige: Yes. That's exactly it.
Koyama: Jin...
Jin: *warily* Yeees?
Koyama: Will you take good care of my Shige when he's with your troop?
Jin: Err.. yeah, sure. Whatever.
Koyama: Okay. *sniffle* I will let you have some away-from-Koyama time. But you have to promise to come back!
Shige: Of course.
Jin: Great. Now gimme that thing back. *grabs it* Dang, Kato, you deleted all my work!
Kame: Good job. Did you see how ugly those things were?

Koyama: I'm going to go make something yummy for when Shige comes back to me! Yay! Bye!! *leaves*
Jin: Now I have to start all over. Thanks Shige. You are backed to being banned. Go back to your wifey.
Shige: I don't want to be in your troop. I want to get my laptop back.
Jin: What do you even need it for? You aren't in school anymore. Are you chatting with girls?
Shige: *turns red* No No! Of course not!
Junno: Koyama's the only one for Shige!
Shige: No! That's not it either!
Ryo: *comes in* Shige. Why are you hanging out with these cretins?
Ueda: *takes out his headphones* Ah, I see someone got a thesaurus.
Ryo: I don't have time for you princess. I have work to do. Now Shige, hurry up and get back to the practice room. Koyama is making something that can't be food and Massu is actually drooling over it.
Shige: I'm waiting for Jin to give me back my laptop.
Jin: I can't. I'm making membership cards for the troop! Ryo, what do you want your nickname to be? R-dog? Ryo the pimp master?
Ryo: Don't know. Don't care.

Junno: Oooh, we get nicknames?
Jin: There is no "we." You are not in my troop.
Junno: Can I be Pimp Master J?
Jin: Again, you don't get a nickname because you are not--
Ryo: Forget it. Look at him, he's not hearing anything he doesn't want to hear.
Jin: *looks at Junno*
Junno: *eager puppy look*
Jin: Ugh.
Ryo: Yup. Anyway, as I was saying, all NEWS members are leaving this room now. We have stuff to do.
Shige: I am not leaving without my laptop.
Ryo: Yes you are. *grabs Shige by his collar and drags him out*
Shige: *being dragged* This membership had better be worth it Akanishiiiii!
Jin: Oh, man. He is so not Troop material.
Kame: You should have thought of that before you stole--
Jin: Borrowed.
Kame: --his laptop.

Jin: ANYWAY-
Kame: Let's practice.
Jin: No.
Kame: No? NO? Did you really just tell me no???
Junno: *to Koki* Ooooo..the vein is back. Want to touch it.
Koki: *smacks Junno's hand*
Junno: Koki!! *glomps Koki*
Jin: I don't want to practice. I need to work on my Troop list.
Ueda: So are we not practicing? Because if we aren't, I'm leaving.
Kame: NO ONE IS LEAVING!! We are going to practice RIGHT NOW!! *walks over and unplugs the laptop*
Jin: Why you little snot! I lost all my work!

Junno: But Jin-Jin, you had already lost all of your work and all you had redone was opening the prog--
Jin: Do you want to be in the Troop?
Junno: YES!
Jin: Then shut up.
Junno: OKAY!
Koki: Hey, you're letting him in and not me?
Jin: No one is in The Troop! I am The Troop and The Troop is me! And I am made of awesomely awesome awesomeness and none of you are made of awesome at all!
Kame: Are you done with your little diva fit?
Ueda: *in English* Pot, meet kettle.
Junno: Ooo, I know that song! *starts singing in English and doing the dance* I'm a little teapot, short and stout...
Kame: Did you just call me fat? Maru, am I getting fat?
Maru: Huh? Sorry, I wasn't listening. I was in my happy place.
Ueda: Boxing fairies?
Maru: ... no.
Junno: *still singing and dancing* Just tip me over and pour me out! Koki, do it with me!
Koki: No way.
Jin: Junno... do me one little favor and I will... let you be in the, um... secondary troop.
Junno: Secondary troop?
Jin: Yeah, it's... not THE Troop, you know, but it's like, umm...
Junno: Like being an apprentice troop member?
Jin: Riiight. Like that.
Junno: Coool! But I still get a membership card and nickname and everything, right?
Jin: ... sure.
Junno: Yay! What is the favor?
Jin: Pull the image of the membership cards out of my head and make then for me with your magic.
Junno: Done! *biff, a stack of cards appears in his hand*
Jin: *takes them* These are awesome! They're just what I wanted! Thanks, Junno!
Junno: You mean Pimp Master J of the secondary troop, right?
Jin: ... right.
Junno: There were no secondary troop cards in your head, though.
Jin: I haven't thought of them yet. They have to be, um... special.
Junno: Okay! Tell me when you think of them and I will make them!
Jin: Sure thing. Anyway, gotta go give Pi and R-dog their cards!
Kame: *pinching his waist* But seriously, am I really getting fat?

Ueda: Well, you have been looking a little chubby in the face lately.
Kame: *pulls at mirror* What? Where? What part of my face is chubby.
Maru: None of it. Why do you listen to him?
Ueda: Pretty much all of it.
Kame: *pulls out his phone* Hello Helga? I need an emergency facial stress relieving treatment STAT. I know, but MY FACE IS FAT!! I probably could drink more water. I don't have a lot of time for that. Right. Right. 10 minutes. Got it. Will be there. *hangs up* I'll be back in exactly 1 hr. Nobody move.
Junno: *stands still*
Kame: I didn't mean it- You know what? I did mean it literally. No one move a muscle. *leaves*
Jin: *writing*
Junno: What are you doing? He said don't move a muscle!
Ueda: Aren't you moving your mouth muscles by talking?
Junno: Oh no!
Jin: He didn't mean it literally. I need to write the names of people in the Troop on these cards or just anyone could use them and even though you are magic, I didn't want to tell you the names of those in the troop. It's a highly secret society.
Ueda: It's too easy. I'm not even going to waste my breath. I'm going for a run. Be back in 1 hr. *leaves*
Koki: Junno, you'd better move. You look uncomfortable.

Junno: *trying to talk without moving his mouth* But Kame-chan will be angry.
Maru: Yeah, and then maybe he'll hit you.
Junno: Oh yeah! *starts jumping around* Thanks, Koki-chan!
Koki: You shouldn't encourage his masochistic tendencies, Maru. I'm surprised at you.
Maru: Uh-huh. And you're not at all jealous that he wants Kame to hit him and not you.
Koki: I have no idea what you're talking about.
Junno: Awww, Koki-chan, you know you hit me the best of anyone!
Jin: Ugh, I am so glad you're only secondary troop. Dang, I need a Sharpie.
Koki: Maybe if you let us in the real Troop, he'll poof you one from the eleventy-billionth dimension.
Jin: No thanks. That's too high a price.
Junno: Silly Koki. Office supplies are in the twelvity-billionth dimension.

Jin: How does that even matter? I'm going to go borrow one from Kato.
Junno: Steal! You mean steal.
Jin: Not steal. Borrow. I'll give it back eventually.
Maru: Yeah just like you gave back my Titanic DVD.
Jin: I meant to. I just keep forgetting.
Maru: You borrowed it 2 days after we entered Johnny's! That was 12 years ago.
Jin: I know I know. I'll bring it tomorrow. Promise.
Junno: If you don't, you have to let Maru in your troop!
Jin & Maru: NO!

Maru: I don't want to be in the troop.
Jin: And I don't want him in the troop, so we're even.
Koki: Then wouldn't it be the ultimate fail if you actually WERE in the troop?
Maru: *thinks about that* Jin! Please let me in your troop!
Jin: NO!
Koki: Aaaaand, double fail. You are amazingly good at that.
Maru: I am, aren't I? *writes in notebook* I have to go tell the Guru about my most recent achievements! Be back in... 20 minutes. *leaves*
Koki: He is a very dedicated man.
Junno: We should all aspire to be like him.
Jin, Koki, and Junno: *look at one another, burst out laughing*

20 Minutes Later:

Maru: *walks in, finds the three rolling on the floor laughing* Eh? What's so funny?
Junno: Heeeee!
Koki: I said... and then Junno said.... Heeeee!
Jin: Be like you! HAHAHAHAAAA!
Maru: ... I think I'm being mocked but I can't tell. Does that count as more fail?
Ueda: *walks in* Everything you do counts as fail.
Maru: You're early.
Ueda: Yeah. I got chased back here by a crowd of insane fangirls.
Maru: Is that lipstick on your collar?
Ueda: What of it?
Maru: Nothing. Don't mind me.
Ueda: I never do. Wake me when practice starts. Or don't, I don't care. *lies on the couch and falls asleep*

Kame: *storms in* My face is not fat! Helga said I was delusional. You just lied to me to get out of practice, didn't you?!
Maru: We don't have to lie for that.
Koki: Yeah, we're pretty much always out of practice.
Jin: People like us that way.
Junno: It's part of our charm!
Kame: I hate you all.
Jin: *in English* Playa don't hate, it's all good.
Maru: What?
Jin: That reminds me, I need to call my homie Micky and ask him how he spells his real-life magical Korean name.
Junno: Korean isn't magi-
Koki: Just don't even bother.
Junno: Right.
Jin: *dials his cellphone*
Yoochun: *on phone* Yoboseyo?
Jin: *in English* Uh, right. Homie! It's me, Jin!
Yoochun: *English* Who?
Jin: We're not doing this again. *English* Forget it. Listen, how do you spell your magical name?
Yoochun: *English* My... what?
Jin: *English* You know.
Yoochun: Yunho?
Jin: *English* No, I don't know, you know.
Yoochun: *starts to cry* What?
Yunho: *grabs the phone* *Japanese* Is this Jin? Why do you always make Yoochun cry?
Jin: *Japanese* I have no idea why that happens. I just needed to know how to spell his magical name.
Yunho: What magical name?
Changmin: *grabs the phone* It's Y-O-O-C-H-U-N. Never call us again. Goodbye. *hangs up*
Jin: *glares at cellphone* He is so banned.
Everyone else: *do the hand motion*

Jin: Are you making fun of me?
Kame: *sarcastically* No, why would we ever do that?
Jin: Good. You'd better not be or I'll ban you.
Maru: Kame's in the troop?
Kame: NO.
Jin: Of course, but he's just an honorary member. Gotta keep the Akame fan girls happy.
Kame: A-what? Don't get started on that and I don't want to be in your stupid troop. I want to rehearse so we don't get fired. Do you know our sales are behind Kanjani8? KAN-JANI8!
Voice of Subaru: I told you we'd out last you all. BWA-HAHAHA *cough cough*
Voice of Yoko: Sir! You have to take it easy. Remember what the dr said about evil laughing.
Voice of Subaru: Oh right. Yoko, you do it for me.
Voice of Yoko: Yes sir! BWA-HAHAHAHAH!
Maru: That is so creepy.
Voice of Subaru: Your mom is creepy.

Junno: I like Maru's mom.
Kame: ANYWAY. Now that we're all here, let's finally practice.
Jin: Hang on, I'm still writing my membership cards. I just need.... six more hours.
Kame: That's our entire practice time!
Koki: Yeah, how convenient.
Kame: Don't you guys even care about our careers?
Ueda: Why are you so loud? I'm trying to sleep.
Kame: You should be trying to practice!
Maru: Kame, calm down. Stop worrying so much. All kidding aside, everyone is used to us not being coordinated. It's fine. That's KAT-TUN. It's our thing. K8 is funny, NEWS is lovey-dovey, and we're uncoordinated.
Kame: our thing is to be bad?
Junno: Not bad. Just uncoordinated.
Kame: Which is bad.
Jin: Bad is such a negative word.

Kame: Shouldn't we practice being uncoordinated then?
Maru: It's not really something you can practice.
Junno: It just comes naturally!
Kame: BUT!
Jin: I need a logo now. Koki! You can draw right?
Koki: Well, some but-
Jin: Great! Can you draw my troop logo? I was thinking a picture of me looking kingly with all my troop around me.
Koki: I don't really think-
Jin: It will be perfect! Thanks for agreeing to do it! *gives Koki a paper and pencil*
Koki: But I didn't even-
Ueda: Or you could just draw Goofy. That would be more accurate.

Junno: OH, I know! I will call my best friend Yasu and ask him to draw you a logo!
Koki: I thought DBSK's Changmin was your best friend.
Junno: He's my best Korean friend. Yasu is my best K8 friend.
Maru: Who's your best KAT-TUN friend?
Junno: You ALL are! Because I lo-
Ueda: Do NOT finish that sentence.
Jin: Hmmm, Yasu IS a pretty good artist, but his drawings are weird. Are you friends with Arashi's Ohno? He draws REALLY well. And his stuff looks like real people.
Junno: Even when he's not drawing people?
Jin: ... No.
Junno: Oh, good. Though sometimes it's funny when things that aren't people look like people.
Koki: Fu-Man chair! HAHA!
Junno: Heeeeeee!
Ueda: You realize you're making no sense, right?
Maru: It's a chair that looks like a guy with a mustache. Junno showed it to me on the internet. It's kind of funny....
Koki and Junno: *dying of laughter*
Maru: But not THAT funny.
Jin: I don't care about some dumb chair with a mustache. Junno, are you friends with him or not?
Junno: *still giggly* I'm friends with everybody. I'll call him. *dials*
Ohno's Message: Hi, this is Ohno Satoshi. I'm not available right now because I'm fishing. You can leave a message but I won't return it because I will still be fishing. Goodbye. *beeeeep!*
Junno: Hi, Ohna-san! It's Junno! I was calling to find out if you would draw a logo for my best friend Jin, but I guess you're fishing. Maybe next time! If you catch a shark or an electric eel, please take a picture because that would be so COOL! Just please do not get eaten or electrocuted. Bye-bye! *hangs up* Sorry, Jin-Jin. Ohno can't help.
Jin: Oh well. I guess you can call Yasu. I'll just ask him not to make the logo too weir-
Yasu: *poofs in* You rang?
Maru: *shrieks like a girl*
Junno: Ooooh, are you magic now, too?
Yasu: haha, no. Subaru said you needed me so he poofed me here. What's up?
Junno: Jin-Jin needs a logo!
Yasu: Ah! You have come to the right man, Akanishi. Let's discuss.
Jin: ... What are you wearing? It's, um... unique.
Yasu: Oh, this old thing? Haha. You're so kind.
Jin: Um, right.

Koki: *pouts* But I thought I was going to draw it.
Maru: I thought you didn't want to.
Koki: I don't, but I'm a bit hurt that he chose someone else so fast!
Junno: I know! We can have a drawing contest and Jin can pick the winner!!
Jin: That is a genius idea!
Koki: *shouts out the door* What Juri? You need your big brother? Coming!!! *to Jin* Sorry Jin-Jin. Can't help this time. Juri is calling me. Bye!
Junno: I didn't hear anything. Koki must have a listening device from the 708980th dimension. He's so cool!!
Yasu: Um, so anyway, about your logo.
Jin: Oh yeah! So I was thinking of something that made me seem royal. Like me in a royal pose surrounded my by troops.
Yasu: Uh huh. *draws something*
Jin: So it should be really cool and kick ass. I have to be in the front though.
Yasu: *draws more*
Jin: Yasu are you listening to me?
Yasu: I need a model. Hmmmm.. *looks around* None of you will do. Subaru, I need Hikaru!
Voice of Subaru: One Hikaru, coming up! How would you like that cooked?
Voice of Yoko: That's gross sir.
Voice of Subaru: SIGH* Does anyone around here have a sense of humor anymore? *poof*
Hikaru: *singing* no Shadow Boy! What the-?? What happened to the show? Why am I here?
Junno: That is a question that scientists, theologians and philosophers have been trying to figure out for thousands of years.
Ueda: I'm not even going to, you just make it too easy. I'm leaving. *leaves.
Yasu: Hikaru-chan, stand over looking royal.
Hikaru: Yes Yasu sir.

Yasu: I said royal, not constipated.
Hikaru: Sorry, sir. How's this?
Yasu: *sigh*
Junno: Like this, Hikaru-chan! *looks royal*
Yasu: Hey that's good! Go stand over there. Hikaru, you may go.
Hikaru: But-!
Yasu: You may go. *makes a shooing gesture*
Koki: Ouch, dissed.
Hikaru: *sigh* Okay, sir. *starts to leave, shoulders slumped*
Maru: Stand tall, apprentice! That was a stellar example of fail. You should be proud!
Hikaru: Right. Proud. *leaves*
Maru: He really doesn't appreciate how amazing he is at fail. He's really a natural. Guys like that don't just grow on trees, you know.
Koki: No, they fall out of them.
Jin: HA!

Yasu: Hikaru! Come back!
Hikaru: *comes back* Yes sir?
Yasu: I do need you for something.
Maru: I'm so disappointed.
Yasu: Go bring me a sandwich. Turkey on whole grain. One thin pickle, slicked long ways, and a sparkling water. And no mayo. If there is one speck of mayo on that sandwich, you will be wearing it. Got it? Remember what happened last time.
Hikaru: Yes sir. *leaves*
Maru: The disappointment has floated away. Leader will be so proud at this level of fail!
Jin: Can we get back to me PLEASE?
Koki: All we do is talk about you.
Jin: What else is there to talk about? Junno, stand more like this. *puts Junno in a pose*
Junno: Jin-Jin, I don't think I can hold this pose for very long. My arms are asleep already!

Jin: Poof yourself into a statue or something, then. This is important! It's for the good of the Troop!
Junno: For the Troop! *biff, is a statue*
Maru: I wonder if he can turn himself back?
Koki: Doubt it.
Maru: Hmm.... What should we do with him?
Koki: Stand him up in front of our concert venues and let the fans take pictures with him.
Maru: He looks heavy, though.
Koki: *tries to lift him*
Yasu: Hey, cut that out! I'm trying to draw, here!
Koki: Yeah, he weighs a ton. We'll need some heavy machinery or something.
Jin: Yasu, can you make his face look like my face in the drawing?
Yasu: Of course. I'll tell you when I'm ready to draw in the face.
Jin: *tries to peek*
Yasu: *covers his paper* Not until I'm done!
Kame: We used to be so young and idealistic and eager and hardworking. And now look at us.
Jin: Oh, were you still here?
Kame: I've been standing right next to you this whole time!
Koki: Sorry, Kame-chan. You weren't nagging or complaining or anything, so we forgot you were here.
Kame: I don't nag and complain!
Koki: Ummm...
Jin: Well....
Maru: No comment.
Yasu: I know it's none of my business and no one is talking to me, but Kame-tan, you TOTALLY nag and complain.
Kame: I... I... I'm going back to get another facial. *leaves*
Yasu: *yells after him* Do the oxygen infusion! It's like a drink of water for your face!
Koki: Aren't all drinks of water in your face?
Maru: They are if you're doing it right.
Subaru: *poof, appears* Apprentice, I sensed a distur-- Why is my apprentice a statue?
Yasu: He's posing for me.
Subaru: Ah. Hang on, then. *poof* Okay, he'll turn back when you're done with him. Honestly, what would he do without me?
Koki: Die of becoming a statue, probably.
Subaru: So it seems.
Yasu: Done!
Junno: *poof, is a live person again* Oh my, I'm stiff.
Jin: NOW can I see?
Yasu: No. Make a royal face.
Jin: *makes a face*
Yasu: I said royal, not vapid.
Jin: *makes another face*
Yasu: Still vapid.
Subaru: I've got news for you, Yasu. He's only got one face and it's always vapid.
Jin: I'm sure I'd be insulted if I knew what that word meant.

Hikaru: *comes back* Please don't kill me Yasuda-san. They only had ham, so I got that. I checked and there is not a drop of mayo. Well, there was a first, but I got really mad and yelled at the sandwich artist. She cried. I think she was only 16, but I said no mayo and she should have known not to put any, you know? *looks at Jin* Akanishi san, is your stomach ok? Maybe you should go to the bathroom.
Jin: What are you talking about? I'm fine. My stomach is fine. Now stop talking to me. I need to look royal.
Hikaru: I don't know. You look more stuffed up than royal. i think royal is more like this. *makes a royal face*
Yasu: Do my eyes deceive me? That is perfect!!! Hold still Hikaru. This can make up for your sandwich mistake. *draws*
Jin: But it's not my troop if his face is on it!!
Yasu: Oh be quiet. I'll photoshop you in. Don't worry.

Jin: Hypothetically speaking, what would happen if I, um... chose to go in another direction?
Yasu: A direction away from this masterpiece I am spending my precious time drawing?
Jin: Err.... Well, hypothetically, yes.
Yasu: Nothing, really. At first. I'm sure after a sufficient time had passed, I would think of a suitable revenge.
Jin: How much time is sufficient?
Subaru: Ryo-chan's been waiting for over three years, now. It's like he's got a sword over his head. It's funny sometimes, to watch him get all worked up.
Koki: What did he do?
Yasu: No one remembers, but it must have been bad, since I swore a suitable revenge.
Maru: How will you know the revenge is suitable if you don't remember what he did?
Yasu: That is a very good question. I suppose I'll have to settle for a satisfying revenge rather than a suitable one.
Hikaru: *tries to talk without moving his face* Yssdssnsrhvvasnnz.
Jin: What, now?
Subaru: He has to sneeze.
Yasu: Oh, I finished with you ages ago, Hikaru-chan. Go right on ahead.
Hikaru: *sneezes, sniffles* Can I go now?
Yasu: Yes, yes, go on.
Hikaru: Subaru-sir, would you--?
Subaru: *poof, Hikaru is gone*
Hikaru's voice: Thank you!
Yasu: Well, Akanishi, your Troop logo is almost done. All I need is to make some minor tweaks to substitute your face for Hikaru's.
Jin: That should take major tweaks. I have a totally different face.
Yasu: This is art, Akanishi.
Jin: Yeah, but still.
Yasu: Trust me! Let's see.... I'll erase this, add a line here, a curve here.... Done! TADA! *proudly displays the artwork*
Jin: ...
Koki: Wow, um....
Junno: It's pretty! I like the symbolism of the unicorn drinking from the "Cows Only" water fountain!
Yasu: Akanishi, are those tears of happiness?! I'm so flattered!

Jin: Junno. Zap me to LA.
Junno: But-but I don't really think that's such a good-
Jin: *evil face* DO IT NO.
Junno: *gulp* Yes sir. *biff*
Kame: Why did you do that?
Junno: He scared me. *sad face* I don't like evil Jin. Has he been learning from Ryo?
Ryo: *biff* What the hell? Why am I here?
Junno: Oh sorry Ryo! I wasn't concentrating and then I thought of you and here you are.
Ryo: Don't think of me and don't just poof me around anywhere you feel like it!
Subaru: It's not a poof. It's more like a biff. See, I poof and Junno biff's.
Ryo: I don't care! Just get me out of here!!
Subaru: Ryo, don't be rude! That's 100 punishments for you.
Ryo: But! But! Fine, get me out of here please sir. Thank you.
Subaru: That is better. Junno if you please.
Junno: Ok! *biffs Ryo away*
Kame: That's nice, but JUST BRING AKANISHI BACK HERE RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!!!!!

Junno: *gulp!*
Yasu: Oh, let him be. He was just so overwhelmed by how wonderful his new cards are that he had to get away to compose himself.
Kame: I don't care about--
Yasu: You look stressed. Come on, let's go to the spa! You could use a massage and a facial, and probably a manicure. When was the last time you had a manicure?
Kame: I don't need... well, it has been a while....
Yasu: That's a good boy. Subaru, would you mind...?
Subaru: No problemo. I'll make arrangements for you at the Cocoa Brothers' Spa in the 8934th dimension.
Junno: Oooo, Mom loves that spa! She says they have the best facials you can get anywhere in the whole known and unknown universe!
Maru: If it's unknown, then how can she know-
Subaru: She's right. And I have an "in" with them ever since the great Moogleplank Crisis of 1989.
Junno: *shudder* I read about that. Master is so amazing.
Subaru: I know, right? Anyway, have fun, relax! I expect to see you guys glowing when you return! *poof them away*
Junno: Literally!
Maru: Wait, literally as in... literally?
Subaru: It only lasts for a day or so, don't worry. Non-mags always think they're seeing things.
Koki: Huh.
Maru: Well, that was um fun. So what do we do now? We can't rehearse with Kame and Ueda gone.
Junno: Let's play Twister!
Koki: Let's not and say we did!

Maru: Maybe you should just bring Jin back here Junno. That spa won't make Kame so relaxed that he won't remember what's going on.
Junno: Well if he gets the ultimate super relaxed forever package he will be.
Subaru: But that package is expensive. I don't have that kind of Verks. Do you?
Junno: Oh no. I guess not!
Koki: How many Verks does it cost?
Subaru: Oh about 17 billion which is about 300 billion yen
Maru: EHHHHHHH???? 300 billion? With a b??
Junno: Yup. It's a lot. The most Verks I've had is 5 million.
Koki: Well they did say it makes you relaxed forever.
Subaru: Well not really forever, but for a whole regular month!
Maru: Only one month for that much!! That is insane.
Junno: They got written up in a fancy magazine and so now everyone wants to go there. They had to raise prices.
Koki: Uh huh, so what about Jin?
Junno: Oh! Right! I almost forgot. *biffs Jin*
Jin: *singing* Please don't go girl. You'd ruin my whole- Ah man! I was macking on this hot chick yo. Why'd you have to ruin my flava Junno?
Junno: What? Can you say that again in Japanese?
Koki: I'll translate. He was flirting with a pretty girl and you ruined it by bringing him back here. Did I get it?
Jin: Yup pretty much.
Junno: Koki you are still amazing. For old times sake?
Koki: Sure little buddy. *kicks Junno*
Jin: Why did you bring me back here?
Maru: Kame will be back at some point from some magic spa and he will still be mad. Are you done with all this troop stuff?
Jin: Oh that? I gave up on the membership cards. It's a dumb idea.
Maru: Thank goodness.
Jin: It would be better to have a secret handshake don't you think?
Maru: Oh brother.
Koki: Junno, maybe that game of twister isn't such a bad idea.

The End

Comments

( 3 comments — Leave a comment )
chinchin0206
Feb. 13th, 2011 01:40 am (UTC)
I miss you guys so much! I was cracking up the whole way thru. Yoochun's magical name and Junno being a associate Troop was hilarious. Yasu was the best and Koyashige was the absolute best...Shige: *types frantically* Look, Koyama! *puts the screen in front of Koyama's face*
Koyama: *wipes eyes, reads out loud* When couples dedicate themselves to allowing each other the space and outside interests they need, they have stronger marriages.
Shige: See? I mean, I know we're not married, but--
Koki: Could have fooled me.
familytables
Feb. 14th, 2011 06:54 am (UTC)
&hearts:&hearts:&hearts:&hearts:&hearts:
This story updates right when I need a good pick me up.
sakuranofutari
Feb. 15th, 2011 08:24 pm (UTC)
Thanks for reading! We hope to keep this up for a long time. :-)
( 3 comments — Leave a comment )